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SECRETS OF LONG LIFE
Qo’ldosheva Mo’tabar Muhtarovna
English teacher Xo’jaobod public health
technikum named abter Abu ali ibn Sino
The bold letters in the heading on the email in my inbox read, “Harvard research
suggests meaningful relationships are a prescription for better emotional, mental, and
physical health and possibly more critical to longevity than exercise or diet.”
So in addition to my three cups of coffee a day, there’s another road to longevity.
(Of course, there’s the weekly 250 minutes of moderate exercise.
Oh well
, I smile to
myself,
I’ll definitely focus on the friendship route to well-being
.)
“Aren’t you lonely?” someone once asked me. I’ve been widowed for many
years, and I know the answer is definitely a no.
“No,” I replied. I may be alone a great deal of the day (all the better to write a
book, my dear) but lonely…. No.
Think about it. Sometimes, aren’t you lonely even in a crowded room if there’s
no one you know or no one who appears to be interested in speaking to you? That’s
real loneliness!
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I truly believe “No” is the answer. I’m not lonely because I have friends I can
call 24/6 who genuinely care, who want to hear about the trivial, the triumphs, the
frustrations, and yes, the fears. I like to think that it’s reciprocal, and they know that I,
too, can provide a listening ear, can respond with a laugh to the important issues, from
dieting to attempting to understand and validate the life-altering events that are also a
part of everyone’s life.
The specifics may differ, but no matter the issue, everything is easier borne when
shared with a deeply caring friend. We often laugh, and even in the same conversation
can skip back and forth from the ridiculous, “I can’t believe I made s’mores at
midnight!” to the challenge of the serious health issues of someone we love.
It isn’t because we’re alike. In fact, each of my friends is different from one
another and in many ways, from me. One friend who I met on a sabbatical year at Yale
University is from a long line of followers of the Lubavitcher Rebbe. One friend who
started out as my neighbor was raised in upstate New York, where her father had a
chicken farm, while her husband stems from Germany Jewry, who follow the customs
of Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch. One friend who I speak to on a daily basis was raised
in a nonreligious family, discovered religion in college, and met her husband, who is
from Morocco, during a summer trip to Israel. One close friend is the child of Holocaust
survivors and was raised in the Midwest. Another, also a child of survivors, was raised
in Montreal. One I met on a trip to Florida, and another at a retreat for mothers of
children with special needs. One relationship began professionally, when she edited
my books for publication. Each friend is a facet in the diamond of my life.
We don’t share the same social groups or go to the same shuls or follow the same
minhagim. We do share a commitment to a life of Torah and faith in G-d’s control of
every detail of our lives, even if we daven in a different shul or use a different siddur
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jahon ilmiy – metodik jurnali
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or have different Yom Tov customs. We may differ in our circadian rhythms. I’m more
of a morning person, sort of winding down as the sun begins to set, and there’s the,
“Please, not before noon, after my second cup of coffee” friend. One of them is always
ready when I suggest, “How about retail therapy on the Avenue”? Balancing that,
“What, you bought
another
tchotchke?” is the response from another dear friend while
she rolls her eyes! But you know, that’s part of being in a relationship — our
idiosyncrasies are irrelevant to our deep respect for each other.
With some of my friends, I share a love of books, from Jane Austen to present-
day writers. With others, we share a love of folk music, or a love of aesthetics and
decorating and planting. Sometimes all we have in common is being raised by mothers
who insisted on writing thank-you notes and proper social etiquette.
One of my friends is a fellow writer, and another is my constant muse who
encourages my writing. With one, what connects us is that we met in high school and
our children attended the same schools.
But with all of them, I have the knowledge that we’re here for each other. No, I’m not
lonely. We support each other through moments of stress, the unknown, the sadness of
irretrievable and unfathomable loss. And we’re there for each other for the things on
the opposite end of the spectrum of life… from the excitement of the trivial, like a new
mug for my collection, or a day when the feeling of spring permeates the air and we
rejoice in planting the first smiling pansies. Shared joy, shared sadness, are all included
in the fabric of our friendships.
T A D Q I Q O T L A R
jahon ilmiy – metodik jurnali
https://scientific-jl.com
64-son_2-to’plam_Iyun-2025
355
ISSN:3030-3613
What a wonderful path to longevity (we daven!) together with an amazing cup
of fresh roasted coffee (or two or three?). And then perhaps I’ll take a walk on the
beach with a friend. Does that count as moderate exercise?
Used literature
1.
Professional English in Use.Medicine. Eric H. Glendinning, Ron Howard;
Cambridge. 2017
2.
English in Medicine. Eric H. Glendinning, Beverly A.S.Holmstrom
3.
Uchebnikangliyskogoyazыkadlyameditsinskixvuzov.
MaslovaA.M.idr.Moskva.
2018
