International Journal of Pedagogics
118
https://theusajournals.com/index.php/ijp
VOLUME
Vol.05 Issue02 2025
PAGE NO.
118-125
10.37547/ijp/Volume05Issue02-31
Effective methods for developing communication
between husband and wife in the family
Ugiloy Nomozova Akmaljon qizi
"Family and Gender" Research Institute, doctoral student, Tashkent, Uzbekistan
Received:
12 December 2024;
Accepted:
14 January 2025;
Published:
16 February 2025
Abstract:
In every society, the strength and peace of the family are considered among the most crucial issues.
Among the problems related to the family, the matter of family communication holds particular importance. This
article aims to substantiate methods of sincere and effective communication between husband and wife in the
family. Within the framework of implementing this goal, a brief analysis and summary of the results from a
sociological study conducted among married men and women are presented. Additionally, the views of scholars
on the raised issue have been analyzed.
Keywords:
Family, communication, effective communication, family communication, active listening,
understanding, positive feedback, mutual respect.
Introduction:
The family is considered the most
fundamental social structure of society, greatly
influencing its development and stability. The
formation of each individual, their moral and ethical
upbringing, and their entry into social relationships all
take shape within the family. Therefore, ensuring peace
and stability in families should be a priority for every
society. The family is the most important unit of
society, and its well-being and happy life depend on
many factors. Among these factors, mutual
understanding and communication between husband
and wife are the most essential. Through effective
communication, couples can better understand each
other, find ways to resolve issues, and strengthen their
family life. Communication between husband and wife
is not just about daily conversations but also serves as
the foundation of mutual understanding, respect, and
support. Open and sincere discussions allow couples to
express their thoughts and emotions freely, helping
them understand each other better. Communication
based on trust and respect is one of the key elements
of family happiness. Therefore, to build a happy family,
spouses must not only listen to each other but also
strive
to
understand
one
another.
Open
communication enables everyone to express their
opinions freely, which enhances mutual respect and
trust. Conflicts in family life are natural, but how they
are resolved is crucial. If a husband and wife can discuss
disagreements calmly and with mutual respect, it
strengthens their relationship. Resolving issues through
communication and respecting each other's opinions
helps to solidify the family. If spouses do not show care
and attention to each other, their relationship may
become
distant,
negatively
impacting
their
communication. In daily life, simple words such as
"thank you," "I love you," or "how are you feeling
today?" can help strengthen love and affection
between husband and wife. Thus, family well-being is
directly linked to communication between spouses.
When a husband and wife sincerely listen to,
understand, and respect each other, family life will be
happy.
Main part
The issue of communication is not solely the object of
study of a single field; rather, research on this issue has
been conducted in several fields (pedagogy,
psychology, sociology, philology). In particular, Uzbek
philologists such as Sh.Iskandarova [15], K.Sh.Kaharov
[17],
S.M.Muminov
[19],
K.A.Rasulov
[20],
N.Sh.Akhmedova [10], and Z.A.Akbarova [9] have
studied topics such as communication, speech habits,
speech culture, forms of communication in the Uzbek
language, and etiquette in Uzbek communication. In
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International Journal of Pedagogics (ISSN: 2771-2281)
these works, communication has been examined as an
object of philological research.
The issue of communication has also been studied by
scholars in pedagogy and psychology. Specifically,
Uzbek pedagogical scholars such as M.Ochilov,
M.Kuronov, O.Musurmanova, and F.Akramova have
discussed communication, the moral aspects of
interaction, and the role of communication within the
family. In psychology, scholars such as E.Goziyev,
E.Azamkhojayeva,
M.Dadakhojayeva,
and
M.Maxsudova [4, 11, 12,] have explored the
psychological essence of communication and the
psychological content of interaction.
Moreover, a number of foreign scholars have studied
communication from different perspectives. In
particular, Paul Watzlawick [8], Deborah Tannen [5, 6,
7], Robin Lakoff [3], Janet Holmes [1], L.Vygotsky [13],
Anatoliy Lushin [18], and Olga Karpova [16] have
conducted research on the general characteristics of
communication and speech, the relationship between
thought and speech, as well as topics such as family
communication and the psychology of family
communication. Additionally, Deborah Tannen, Robin
Lakoff, and Janet Holmes [5, 3, 1] have explored the
distinctive features of male and female speech in their
works.
In families with a high level of communication culture,
spouses treat each other with respect. Expressing
thoughts openly and sincerely, engaging in free
conversation on any topic, and making decisions
collaboratively strengthen mutual understanding.
Communication culture not only affects the
relationship between spouses but also plays a
significant role in child upbringing. Children who grow
up in families where parents communicate respectfully
and resolve issues through mutual agreement
(compromise) develop strong communication skills and
learn communication culture. Communication culture
is an integral part of family relationships, fostering
trust, respect, compassion, and unity among family
members. Through open, sincere, and attentive
communication, it is possible to solve any problem and
maintain family happiness.
A lack of communication or incorrect communication
can
negatively
impact
family
relationships.
Misunderstandings, conflicts, and emotional distance
often arise due to improper communication. If spouses
do not communicate adequately or openly, they may
fail to understand each other's feelings and desires.
Consequently, unnecessary doubts, misinterpretations,
and conflicts increase. Furthermore, a lack of
communication
or
harsh,
inappropriate
communication intensifies arguments and negatively
affects trust, love, and respect within the family. Often,
instead of explaining the problem, spouses resort to
blaming each other or reacting negatively, which
damages mutual trust and worsens relationships. To
strengthen family relationships, open, sincere, and
cultured communication is crucial. Listening to each
other, striving for understanding, and expressing
thoughts with respect are essential conditions for
family well-being.
Based on the above, we propose the following effective
methods for developing communication between
spouses in the family:
Figure 1. Effective Methods for Developing Communication Between Husband
and Wife in the Family
Effective
methods of
communicatio
n
active
listening
expressing
positive
opinions
using short
and clear
expressions
managing
emotions
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International Journal of Pedagogics (ISSN: 2771-2281)
Let’s discuss each of the presented methods
separately:
1.
Active Listening
–
Listening to the interlocutor
during communication demonstrates mutual respect.
Carefully listening to the speaker and respecting their
opinions is considered the golden rule of
communication. Instead of briefly responding to the
interlocutor’s words, it is more effective to fully and
clearly understand their thoughts.
2.
Expressing Positive Opinions
–
During a
conversation
and
in
general
interpersonal
relationships, after listening to each other, one should
not immediately express negative opinions. For
example, a husband knows that his wife has spent a lot
of time preparing dinner. However, she accidentally
added a bit too much salt and apologizes to her
husband for this mistake. If the husband responds with:
"What kind of food is this? There is too much salt! You
never cook well," this would be an incorrect approach
and would lead to a loss of respect. Problems cannot be
solved through rudeness; instead, a gentle approach
should be used. In this situation, the husband could say:
"My dear, I see that you put a lot of effort and spent a
lot of time preparing dinner tonight. Thank you for
making such an effort after work. The taste of the food
is very good, but the salt is a bit too much. Next time,
we can taste it together before adding salt." This model
serves as the best solution to improve the situation and
eliminate an awkward moment between partners.
Thus, in the stage of expressing positive opinions, it is
advisable to first show gratitude or give a small
compliment, then state a clear and concise opinion,
followed by a suggestion, and finally use sentences that
reflect a spirit of cooperation.
3.
Using Short and Clear Expressions
–
This is an
important strategy aimed at improving mutual
understanding, preventing conflicts, and saving time. In
family relationships, this principle is especially
important as it strengthens emotional connections and
helps reduce daily stress. This method has several
advantages:
• Short and clear sentences help the listener easily
understand the main idea. This allows spouses to
quickly understand each other, reducing the risk of
misinterpretation or misunderstandings.
• This strategy facilitates sincere and open
communication
on
emotional
topics,
which
strengthens emotional closeness and increases mutual
trust.
• Vague and complex sentences can lead to
disagreements, whereas short and clear expressions
help ensure accurate understanding of thoughts and
make conflict resolution easier.
• Ambiguous and confusing communication can cause
stress, whereas short and clear expressions reduce
stress and create a calm atmosphere.
4.
Managing Emotions
–
This process involves
recognizing one’s emotions, expressing them correctly,
understanding the partner’s emotions, and treating
them with respect. Additionally, if a person can manage
their emotions during a conversation, conflicts can be
prevented.
Thus,
the
effective
communication
methods
mentioned above can be called "elements of
communication within the family". Each of these
elements has its own level of importance. Based on this
level of importance, they should be implemented step
by step. Accordingly, below we present a diagram of
the stages of effective communication (Figure 2).
International Journal of Pedagogics
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International Journal of Pedagogics (ISSN: 2771-2281)
Figure 2. Stages of Effective Communication
A sociological survey was conducted to study the
communication environment in Uzbek families, the
factors influencing it, and the impact of communication
on family relationships. The survey included married,
divorced, and widowed men and women. During this
research, various factors affecting the relationship
between husband and wife were analyzed, and
respondents provided different answers. These
findings are summarized in the following table (Table
1).
Table 1
Responses to the question "What causes the deterioration of your
relationship?" (% of respondents)
What causes the deterioration of
your relationships?
Gender
Male
Female
There is no love between us.
16,3%
6,3%
My spouse does not have good
communication manners.
6,5%
10,6%
We have different perspective
30,4%
31,0%
5. Close-hearted relationship
1. Listening
3. Positive feedback
2. Understanding
4. Mutual respect
STAGES OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION:
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International Journal of Pedagogics (ISSN: 2771-2281)
We argue easily because our
personalities don’t match.
16,3%
16,2%
The big difference in our ages
causes problems
0,0%
9,2%
It’s hard for me to answer
30,4%
23,2%
This table presents respondents' opinions on the
reasons for relationship deterioration, categorized by
gender. According to the data, both men (30,4%) and
women (31,0%) consider "We have differing opinions"
as the primary cause of relationship problems.
Respondents
also
emphasized
the
lack
of
communication: the absence of communication culture
in a spouse was highlighted more by women (10,6%)
than by men (6,5%). This indicates that gender aspects
play a significant role in communication. Indeed, "...the
speaker's gender serves as an essential factor in
personal identity and influences both verbal and non-
verbal behavior" [2].
It was found that half (50%) of those who answered
"My spouse lacks communication culture" rated their
relationship as "very bad". This confirms that
communication is crucial for relationship quality.
Women may pay more attention to communication
culture due to their greater focus on emotional
connection in relationships. Indeed, male and female
speech has distinct characteristics, aligning with
specific linguistic systems [14].
Lack of affection in relationships: This issue was more
commonly mentioned by men (16,3%) compared to
women (6,3%).
Incompatibility
of
character:
Both
genders
acknowledged character incompatibility at nearly the
same rate (16,3% and 16,2%).
Age difference: Only women (9,2%) cited "a significant
age difference between us" as a reason, suggesting that
men do not perceive age difference as a problem.
Difficulty in answering: The response "It is difficult for
me to answer" was more frequent among men (30,4%)
than among women (23,2%). This suggests that men
may find it harder to acknowledge or openly discuss
relationship issues.
The
findings
highlight
the
importance
of
communication in relationships. Women’s greater
focus on communication culture may be linked to their
emphasis on emotional connection in relationships.
The higher percentage of men citing "lack of affection"
suggests that their emotional needs should not be
overlooked. This could be related to societal norms that
discourage men from openly expressing their
emotions. The high percentage of respondents
choosing "We have differing opinions" underscores the
frequency of disagreements in relationships and the
need to find resolution strategies. The fact that only
women mentioned age difference as an issue indicates
the influence of societal stereotypes on relationships.
Men's higher tendency to choose "It is difficult for me
to answer" suggests hesitation in openly recognizing
relationship problems, possibly due to social pressure
and limited societal acceptance of men expressing
emotions.
A study conducted on this topic also included surveys
to examine the forms of communication used during
family conflicts and disagreements. These surveys
identified verbal expressions of rudeness between
spouses within the family (see Figure 3).
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International Journal of Pedagogics (ISSN: 2771-2281)
Figure 3. General responses of respondents (%) to the question 'How do you
express rude behavior towards your spouse?'
According to the results presented above, the most
common response given by respondents was 'Silent
treatment,' with the highest percentage (59%). The
next most frequent response was 'Shouting' (16%).
Other responses included 'Insulting, cursing' (2%),
'Using physical force' (1%), and 'Involving other people'
(35%), though these responses were reported at lower
rates.
The results show the overall responses of both men and
women combined, but it would be appropriate to
analyze and differentiate them based on gender. The
following table presents the gender-based results of
respondents’ answers to the question mentioned
above (Table 2):
Table 2
Results of respondents' answers (%) to the question 'How do you express (or
have expressed) rudeness towards your spouse?' based on gender
How do you express (or
have expressed) rudeness
towards your spouse?
Gender
Overall
Male
Female
Using informal or
disrespectful language (e.g.,
addressing rudely)
13,1%
2,6%
6,7%
Shouting
27,4%
9,1%
16,2%
Insulting, cursing, or
swearing
5,4%
0,8%
2,5%
7%
16%
2%
59%
1%
3%
12%
HOW DO YOU EXPRESS (OR HAVE EXPRESSED)
RUDENESS TOWARDS YOUR SPOUSE?
Using informal or disrespectful language (e.g., addressing rudely)
Shouting
Insulting, cursing, or swearing
Silent treatment (refusing to talk)
Using physical force
Involving other people in the conflict
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International Journal of Pedagogics (ISSN: 2771-2281)
Silent treatment
(refusing to talk)
35,1%
74,7%
59,4%
Using physical force
1,2%
0,5%
Involving other people
in the conflict
3,6%
3,0%
3,2%
Other
14,3%
9,8%
11,5%
Overall
100,0%
100,0%
100,0%
This table presents respondents' perspectives on how
they express rude behavior toward their spouses,
categorized by gender. The majority of respondents (a
total of 59,4%) stated that they express their rude
attitude
toward their spouse through “Silence.” This
indicator is significantly higher among women (74,7%)
compared to men (35,1%). This suggests that women
are more inclined to express dissatisfaction in a passive
manner.
Men are more likely (27,4%) to express their rude
behavior through “Yelling” compared to women (9,1%).
This indicates that men tend to express dissatisfaction
in a more direct and aggressive way. As American
linguist Deborah Tannen noted, “most men are mor
e
prone to conflicts and, therefore, less likely to exercise
self-
control” [5].
Men (13,1%) are more inclined than women (2,6%) to
express rudeness through “Using informal or dismissive
language.” This may suggest that men are more
emotionally expressive and prone to verbal
dissatisfaction. Additionally, men (5,4%) are more likely
than women (0,8%) to express rude behavior through
“Insulting, cursing, or swearing.” This shows that men
use aggressive language more frequently in
communication.
A small percentage of respondents (0,5% in total)
reported exhibiting rude behavior toward their spouse
through “Physical violence”. Among men, this figure is
slightly higher (1,2%) compared to women, indicating
that domestic violence is more prevalent among men.
A very small proportion of respondents (3,2% in total)
stated that they express their rude behavior by
“Involving other people”. Some respondents (11,5%)
answered that they “never behave rudely.”
The
table
indicates
that
relationship
and
communication dynamics differ by gender. While men
tend to express dissatisfaction openly and aggressively,
women
are
more
inclined
toward
passive
dissatisfaction and indirect signaling.
The high rate of the “Silence” response among women
suggests that passive-aggressive expressions of
dissatisfaction are widespread. The higher frequency of
responses such as “Yelling”, “Using informal or
dismissive language”, and “Insulting” among men
indicates their tendency to express dissatisfaction in a
more direct and aggressive manner. The frequent
occurrence of rude behavior in family relationships
suggests underlying communication problems. The
presence of physical violence among men highlights
the need to address the issue of domestic violence.
CONCLUSION
In conclusion, communication plays a leading role in
family
relationships.
Developing
effective
communication between spouses is crucial for
strengthening
marital
stability
and
mutual
understanding. Effective communication methods help
build trust, respect, and love between partners. This
article
highlights
key
principles
of
family
communication, including active listening, open and
sincere dialogue, and constructive problem-solving. It
also analyzes communication barriers and offers
practical recommendations for overcoming them.
Implementing these methods can contribute to
increased marital happiness and stability.
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